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I’ve been up for almost two hours and it just occurred to me – just now – that I probably needed to write something about Ricky Gervais. Do you think that’s a good sign, that I forgot about his bulls–t so quickly, that he annoyed me so badly and did his job so poorly that I didn’t even think about it? The Hollywood Foreign Press clearly wanted to be “controversial” but they also knew that Gervais is awful, so there was a time-delay and everything raunchy got bleeped out or cut out. It was stupid. His opening monologue had a handful of good jokes – the Jeffrey Epstein one, the Leonardo DiCaprio one, and the Two Popes one – but he lost the room in record time. Here’s the opening:

Tom Hanks’ face said it all throughout. Hanks was the Greek chorus to Ricky Gervais’ bullsh-t. Here’s the thing. I’m sure if you ask Gervais about it today or tomorrow, he’ll say he really didn’t care AND that his “I don’t care” attitude was part of his host-persona, that it’s all very artsy and high-brow comedy and we just wouldn’t understand the profundity of what he was doing up there. But… why couldn’t the HFPA just hire someone genuinely witty, someone who WANTS to be there? Gervais’s whole thing is that he’s both too cool to be there AND that it’s cool to do a sh-tty job. And he’ll also argue that someone needs to tell jokes about Judi Dench licking her ass in Cats. I don’t know, it’s all just so… stupid. Just hire someone else, HFPA. Stop giving jobs to transphobic, racist white dudes who think they’re too good for the job.

Speaking of Tom Hanks… his Cecil B. DeMille Award speech was amazing. He truly is the loveliest man.

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