Mariah Carey covers the May issue of Shape Magazine, showing off her sleek “Jenny” body and her Photoshopped abs. I’m not saying Mariah doesn’t actually have this body right now – she worked really hard, she lost the weight, and she should be proud of herself. But I just don’t believe her stomach looks exactly like that after gaining “nearly 70 pounds” by her estimation while pregnant with twins. I’m not judging – I wouldn’t put on a bikini and appear on the cover of a magazine unless I was sure that the Photoshop wizards would take care of everything. As for the interview excerpts… it’s just Mariah being Mariah. She’s full of herself, and delightfully so. Here are some highlights:

Mariah on pregnancy: “Pregnancy was probably the best and the hardest thing I’ll ever go through. I know for a lot of women, it can be wonderful and relatively easy. But for me, it was like ‘Okay, honey, do you have to do everything the hard way?’”

Weight loss success: “I used to be able to slim down just by exercising more, but that’s changed. Since having the babies, I realize that 90 percent of losing weight is my diet,” she said.

Weight gain: “I put on around 70lbs, but if you look at photos of me when I was pregnant, you’d say, ‘Wow, she gained 9,000 pounds!’ A lot of it was water weight because I pretty much had head-to-toe edema, which is very painful.”

Mariah on her water fears: Mariah Carey is amazed by her love for swimming because she almost drowned when she was six. The pop superstar took to the pool to help shed weight after her twins were born last year and is now swimming and taking 45-minute water aerobics classes four or five times a week. Mariah says, “Swimming is my favorite form of exercise, which is surprising since I almost drowned in the ocean when I was six. It was scary but it didn’t traumatize me or deter me from going in again. My mother just put me back in the water and told me it would be fine. And it was.”

[Via Shape, and other sources]

I think my favorite part is the stuff about her fear of water. Once again, I’m not judging Mariah for being afraid of water and for overcoming her fear. I’m judging her for kissing her own ass.

Anyway, Dem Babies will be one year old on April 30th! That’s exciting – it feels like she was just giving birth to them recently. I forgot that Dem Babies were born in the Taurus sign. Mariah is an Aries – a fire sign with twin bulls. That’s going to be very interesting as those babies grow up, because all three are going to be stubborn as all get-out.

Photos courtesy of Shape, WENN.